The
Adventures of a Chair
Chapter
I
The
War between the Kingdom of the Chair and the Kingdom of the Egg
The
chair sits. How does a chair sit? A chair sits on a chair.
Specifically, its chair. More specifically, itself. The chair sits,
when it does not move.
The
chair looks at the clock made of stone. It indicates where its
soldier is. It is called a clock, because its hands indicate the
soldier's coordinates in the 180x180 sqaures two-dimensional map.
The chair can see its movement, slowly, towards north, heading for
the fort.
Each
square of the map indicates 10 meters. The chair can see its soldier
move from X=38 and Y=56 to X=39 Y=66, to the entrance of the fort.
The big hand slowly moves its way through 56 to 66, moving around the
first third of the clock. Halfway there, at round-about Y=63, the
small hand moves to 39. Finally, the big hand reaches 66. The soldier
has arrived at the fort, like the chair ordered him. He is now safe
from the invaders. The soldier is in the chair's kingdom. The enemy
kingdom is ruled by an egg from a far, far place from the world.
The
chair now looks at the wooden clock. That one indicates time in this
section of the world: It is 'hog'. Time here ranges from wog to tog:
wog, nog, fog, log, mog, sog, rog, solomin, kog, hog, jog, saog,
paog, laog, tog. These are the 15 hours of the world. 'Hog' in theory
translates to 'between 4:00 and 5:35 PM'. But, in this part of the
Object World, a day is divided in two days and two nights, all
equally divided: firstly comes the day, with wog, nog, fog and 3
thirds of log, then comes the blue night, with a blue moon, 1 quarter
log, mog, sog, rog, and half of solomin, then comes the other day,
with the other half of solomin, kog, hog, jog, and a quarter of saog,
then comes the red night, with the red moon, with the remaining three
quarter of saog, paog, laog, and, finally, tog. So, in reality, for
our world, it is between 8:00 and 11:10 PM. The wooden clock has only
one hand, which moves to the other hour each time the one before
ends.
The
chair needs to go to work when jog starts. But, for now, it needs to
send orders in its kingdom. It slowly moves towards the staircase,
then takes a turn to the left. This room is dimly lit by a low-power
light bulb hanging from the middle of the ceiling. The room has one
large window , covered by thick curtains, and one large square table
in the center. The table is separated vertically and horizontally by
179 lines, creating a 180x180 grid. On it can be seen very tiny
grass, two forts, forests and some wild animals. The chiar moves
towards one of the forts and sees soldiers all ready for battle. The
chair concentrates its mind on the grid and sends out a group of
hunters in search for some boars to kill in the nearby forest. But,
as they walk around the forest, they see people moving. Knowing there
shouldn't be any of their fort's soldiers outside, they realise they
are enemy soldiers. They get out their guns ad shout. The enemy
soldiers put their hands up and the hunters get them to the fort.
Then the chair witnesses a horrifying dreadful event. The King goes
to the soldiers and cuts them in half. Then he roasts them in front
of everybody, to show what happens to their enemies. Then everybody
feasts, eating human flesh. The chair looks in complete shock at its
army, then decides to send it full power towards the enemies. An
attack is planned. He decides to track the king on the stone clock.
The
chair returns to its place and watches the stone clock move its big
hand from Y=68 to Y=66, then its small hand from X=39 to X=33, then
the big hand from Y=66 to Y=70. Now, the king and his army have left
the castle and are heading towards their enemies.
The
wooden clock's arm moves, reaching for jog. The chair needs to go to
work. It moves, slowly moving its legs on the floor, until it reaches
the staircase. It turns around and falls on its back, dragging itself
on the staircase. When it arrives upstairs, it turns back around and
continues towards its bedroom. On the bedroom's floor sits its
uniform. It falls on its back on it and then gets back up. The chair
is now dressed. To climb down, the chair presses against the wall and
slowly falls.
The
chair gets out on the street, then falls on its back on the door,
thus locking it. Only it can unlock it back. It could have used
public transport, but It gets on roller skates and goes towards his
work place.
The
chair navigates the streets until it reaches a large, 17-floor office
building. It enters the building, then the elevator. Inside sit many
more chairs. The elevator is pretty big, specifically a 2.10mx3.36m
rectangle. Chairs cannot talk, so the elevator slowly climbs each
floor, stopping for 10 seconds, then takes 5 seconds to reach the
second floor; when it reaches the top floor, it goes back down. There
are two elevators in the building. When one is climbing down, the
other one is climbing up. They meet each other every 4 minutes at
floor 8.
In
50 seconds the elevator reaches the fourth floor: the chair's stop.
It leaves the elevator and heads for its desk. It reaches and desk
and sits. It starts connecting its mind to the computer and starts
work. As it works, it looks to its right, where a little square
wooden table sits. The chair connects its mind to the table and an
8x8 grid pops up. On it are a person with a crown and a bunch of
soldiers: the army. The chair moves through the 180x180 map with the
8x8 view to see how far the army has gone. The battle is afoot.
The
chair needs to go to the toilet. It slowly crawls towards the
bathroom door, and leans back onto the lock to open it. The door is
found surprisingly hard to open and then...
Soda
starts pouring out like crazy, onto the chair and keeps flowing
through the fourth floor of the 17-floor building. The soda is
covering the chair entirely and its vision starts to slowly blur, as
things turn brown. The soda keeps pouring and the chair cannot
breath, nor move. Everything darkens in front of the chair's eyes and
darkness starts surrounding it...
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