"Beware
remote spirits”, wrote Wizard Palm 6 centuries ago, in his Odd
Bestiary of Odd Creatures from The Human World. But why are they
dangerous? Well, I'm Vladimir Antofi, and I am here today to show you
remote spirits are not to fret, but cherish!
What
are remote spirits, might you ask? Well, as Wizard Palm himself says,
“Remote spirits are those which dwell in the remote of a
television. The remote, once broken, will unleash its devastating
spirit , which will move into one of his owner's soul fragment. Such
control can create disturbance in the afterlife.”. As scary as it
sounds, it has been proven that remote spirits do not take control of
the owner's soul, but that it can electrify the soul.
How
did Wizard Palm come to that conclusion, and how did we, wizards from
the Lobster Wizards of The Human World's Guild, come up with ours?
Due to lack of technology, the only thing Wizard Palm could detect
was the remote spirit travel and stops at the owner, penetrating its
soul. He detected a slight movement in the soul and has come up with
the theory. We, however, have hi-tech equipment at our disposal, and
noticed that the soul would move, blindly, being pulled towards the
owner's soul. So: the spirit is blind, and attracted by the soul. And
we detected an electric wave in the soul. So, the spirit stimulates
the soul, but into what? We studied a mouse's behavior before and
after the remote spirit penetrating its soul, and we made an immense
discovery. The mouse started being a lot more active, looking for
things to do, learning easier. The remote spirit livens up the
possessed entity, making it want to do things. The remote usually
emits commands to the television, so the spirit tends to send
commands. Impulses.
I
am Vladimir Antofi, wizard of the Lobster Wizards of The Human
World's Guild, and I hereby declare remote spirits are nothing to
fear!
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