Apple

Look at this apple as I am holding it with both of my hands in front of you in the dark cellar dimly lit by the candle on the desk behind me. Study its red color, with shades of light green, attracting the caged creature hidden away by darkness in the corner close to you. Feel its weight by studying through the power of vision in this cellar, ignoring the spiralling staircase going upstairs at the back end wall.

Birthday

It really is, no joke, my birthday today lol

The egg lies on the luxurious sofa, pouring champagne into his yolk through a funnel on its head while I enter the living room: it is my birthday. The egg turns towards me and raises the glass of champagne. I pick another glass from the wooden table and we drink. The orange enters the room, carrying a cake. It then smashes it into its head and sings the Happy Birthday song.

From near the table comes the chair, accompanied by Lucy, smiling happily. A Romanian Beaver slowly approaches us from the hallway of the luxurious mansion. A leashed large as a zeppelin shark is brought up into the ceiling of the living room, swimming through the air. Detective Rainbow looks at everything from a corner, as he has informed me he is working on another case, carefully examining everybody's feelings. A creepy man is watching a video with a 3D airplane flying and a pumpkin with crystal eyes is looking at us. Three 1 cubic meter long dice arrive, late to the party, each accompanied by their partner: a garlic glove, a pencil sharpener and a piece of orange skin. The remote spirit is observing us from above.

We dance, listening to vaporwave, naturally (my birthday, my music ;P) until the night arrives. We bring the orange, and he attaches a firework to himself and we all go to the rooftop, from where we send him flying through the sky. The firework then explodes and forms an orange on the sky while we all applaud.

“Listen everyone!”, I say as everybody turns around me. “I want to thank you all for taking part in the celebration of my birthday! You truly are wonderful friends!”. Everybody cheers and sings Happy Birthday. This really is a moment to cherish.

The Adventures of a Chair, Chapter IV

The Adventures of a Chair

Chapter IV

Enemy Territory

I hope you enjoy the ending of The Adventures of a Chair! This was fun!! Read the others here: Chapter I, Chapter II, Chapter III.

Lucy looks in shock at the chair. Wo... work? Pa... papers? Where is everything?? Where is she?

The chair knows her questions. “No matter”, he says. “We are leaving.”

Lucy is confused. Who is this chair and what does it want from her?

The chair goes towards the back of the classroom and looks at a map of the world. Focusing its mind on it, the continents move. On a small island are the 128 soldiers moving the island towards the continent formed from the rest: enemy territory. A little piece of land is behind the trajectory of the island: the abandoned homeland. The homeland is no more, being the Object World. The island is what is now, the Human World, and the enemy territory what is to be, the goal, any other world, or place. A fight is to arrive and the enemy territory is closer and closer to the approaching island.

Lucy is still near the greenboard and looks in shock at the entrance of the classroom, from where a shark appears, swimming as if air was its water. The soldiers have arrived on the enemy territory and are raiding an enemy camp. The chair took the decision to fight and it will now fight. But he will now protect Lucy, the goddess.

The shark heads for Lucy who looks scared at the shark. Near the greenboard sit 5 pieces of chalk: one long, brand new, two medium-sized ones and two little cubes, barely even usable. The chair controls the long, brand new chalk piece towards it, penetrating the shark's insides in the process. It then pushes the chalk piece back towards the greenboard and pierces the shark again. It falls to the ground. The chair goes towards Lucy. Lucy looks at the chair, trembling. “We need to move”, says the chair. Lucy sits on the chair and the chair leaves the school.

Outside is a grotesque view: Lucy and the chair are in the “enemy territory”. It looks like the Human World, except the sky is dark red and sharks are swimming everywhere through the thin air. Every human is running everywhere, trying to save their skin. But little do they know they are not living in the normal world, like their separate identities are.

Out of nowhere appears a giant chicken and swallows Lucy, and leaves. The chair needs to find Lucy. The chair closes its eyes. Everything turns dark. Opening its eyes in the darkness that is now surrounding him, he sees the enemy camp shaping in full size. His soldiers are... dying. Fighting, but losing. Is all hope lost? Is this it?

The darkness suddenly breaks as out of the dark red sky appears a shark and swallows the chair. And everything turns dark again. But now there is no enemy camp. Just dead soldiers. The journey is over. There is no more Lucy. There is no more Object World, Human World, Enemy World... just darkness.

Meet Henry. He is wearing a cardboard cubic box on its head. In the box are his head, a can of spilt soda, an egg, a map, chalk, a shark plushie, a doll, an apple, a coin, a miniature chicken and a miniature chair. Everybody tried talking to Henry, but he would never answer. He wouldn't move, but he still lives. So nobody bothers him. But to him, these objects have a meaning. To him, these objects have a story. Here we have the spilt soda a chair dived in, an egg a chair fought, a map a chair looked at, chalk a chair used, a shark a chair fought, a doll a chair cared for, an apple a chair used, a coin a chair received, a chicken a chair hated and... a chair. Together they created The Adventures of a Chair, a story only spoken to him, by the life of objects.

R E G R E T

I can roll a tissue on a carpet. I can then roll the carpet on the tissue. So the tissue can get stuck. Suffocate. Mercilessly. By my hand. I can place the tissue under the carpet, and let it get crushed in darkness.

I place the tissue on the carpet and cry. I care for the tissue and it doesn't deserve anything like this. But the tissue knows what I had in mind. It ignores me. Avoids me. And all I can do is cry eternally...

You could crush a tomato with a baseball bat. You could let the tomato slowly get crushed by the baseball bat's weight. You could drown the tomato in a can filled with water. You could empty out the can, plae the tomato, let it rot, and either crush it or leave it in pain.

You don't. You didn't think of any of this. Nobody ignores, nor avoids you. You haven't done anything. And all you can do is be happy.

I feel guilty. You feel happy.

I feel heavy. You feel light.

A star on the sky. Smiling at me. I look at it. I get out a ladder. I want to pick it up. I touch it. It avoids me. I climb down.

The following night, I look up, and see the star's back: I hurt it. It ignores me. I cry, and leave. It's best I leave it alone.

The following night, I peek through a window. The star ignores me. There is no hope. I leave, and cry.

I have a chair. I like my chair. It is my friend.

I want more wood. I am near the chair. I chop down one of its legs: I exploit it. I made a mistake.

I look at the chair. It doesn't look back. It ignores me. I want my chair. I want my friend back.

But I can't. It is too late. There is no hope. I cry, and leave.

Weird=awesome

Sometimes, I think I'm too weird.. I am dancing with an apple bird while singing from a chunk of meat as of writing this... But then I say to myself: how is that bad? Well... it's not!

Here, let me show you:

A knife

In a table

Stabbing

An apple

Through

A worm

Struggling

Not to drown

In Pepsi.

See what I mean? How is that bad? It's entertaining!

I can even do stuff like this:

m a shr w q

What does that mean? Bird. To me that means 'bird'.

k q u erq n

Now THAT means 'tree'.

So then 'in' will be

l g irf bn

Which pretty much means m a shr w q k q u erq n l g irf bn is bird in tree! Music to my ears!

I can do whatever I really fancy with this! Mk aq shru werq qn means bird-tree! Either a bird with leaves instead of feathers, or a tree with feathers instead of trees. It is to be understood from the given context.

There is no limit to your imagination, and don't let anyone tell you you're stupid. And if they tell you you're weird, thank them! You're not stupidly ordinary like the others! They're the weird ones -_-

Object Life

The trash can looks up at the little stand on which the sponge sits, then looks in front of it where sits a bucket. It's a miserable life.. no means to talk to those of your kind, or anybody for that matter... this life of objects... it's painful. Not to mention the dreadful inside stench of garbage and the toxic talk of the students in class, and the occasional kicks... it isn't easy, being a spectator to your very own life, unable to control anything that surrounds you.. Nobody sees you, nor notices you. Pieces of chalk sit on the floor, waiting for their painful life to end, hoping to get crushed any of the students or teachers.. Oh, how dreadful must it be to wish your life away...

The trash can looks to the right, at the wall on which sits the grand greenboard. Some objects live way better lives than others. It gets to see children grow up to men, entire generations. It's filled with written knowledge and spoken anecdotes.. If it were to be a person it would be charming and intelligent... But the trash can would be severe, a short-tempered person who wouldn't take any joke lightly.

Objects are different to, but they may all get equally good lives in the afterlife, this Object World, a second chance for objects, where they rule over the world. No filthy human can touch this sacred land.

Killing a King

 I see the tomato, grab it, and squeeze it. Its juice comes out with a splash, with chunks and occasional drips of blood. Its skin dries under the burning heat of my palm, turning into a shade of very dark red. I slice it with the cold, metallic, frozen knife and place it on the stale bread. I put it on the bright red plate and offer it to the king. The flaming hot dried tomato should kill him.