Fable - The Tissue

The people of the tribe in the come around the log, for the leader to tell them a story. They all sit on hot steaming iron, under which is a great fire. The shaman gets on the log, while everybody is sweating, and tells the story:

There once was a man, wearing dark clothes and dark robe, his face covered in black cloth. He went to a man of the tribe. He was wearing white clothes and washing a tissue in the river, getting rid of the black dirt on it. The dark clothed man kept watching the man, until he turned around, looking at the dark man, smiling, and said “Hello, my friend. What took you so long?”, and hugged him, accepting his fate. The dark man then stabbed the pure man. The pure man felt a short, painless death, with a smile on his face, a cold metallic blade piercing through his heart. He fell to the ground. The dark man then hid the pure dead body in a bush, and washed away the blood with the tissue, which he then washed and placed at the river's shore.

Many weeks later, a man stood by the river, fishing. And blood came pouring through, and blood told him of the dark man's crime. And the man told the tribe, and the dark man was killed. The fisherman then looked at what the dark man was carrying, and found a white tissue, filled with blood.

Internet World

This is spam.

What is?

Spam?

Yes.

This.

What exactly?

Spam is a brand of canned cooked meat made by Hormel Foods Corporation. It was first introduced in 1937 and gained popularity worldwide after its use during World War II.

Are you sure that's what spam is?

That's what I found!

Well there may be more...

Oh, really? Prove it!

spam, verb=send the same message indiscriminately to (a large number of Internet users)”

Well this can't be it either!

Why not?

Well there is no large number of Internet users!

Are you sure about that?

Yes.

Oh reaaaaallly?

YES! There's only the two of us here!

Hey guys!

._.

Who is this?

It's... Henry!

Oh, hi, Henry!

who the heck is Henry?

Idk, act c00l.

You know, I can hear you guys!

Oh, right.... Sorry!! V_V

Is he like your neighbor?

Idk!!!

Omg ARE YOU ####### kidding me?!

Woah, dude.

No curse words!

Yeah, exactly.

You think we should ban him?

######!!!!

--Henry was kicked--

There ya go! We don't accept h8rs -_-

Yeah, we sure don't!

So, now that there were moooore people, was THAT spam?

"send the same message indiscriminately”

Oh right.

Oh right.

Oh right.

Oh right.

Oh right.

Please stop.

Why?

Why?

Why?

--P1 was kicked--

--P2 is too lonely--

---CONVERSATION ENDED---

The Fish

The fish was in the beer bottle, agitatingly knocking its head into its walls, desperately flipping around, at the bottom of the ocean.

The beer bottle was... happy. For once in his countless years of sitting alone, forgotten by society, it had company... It felt joy to see a living creature.

For many days has the fish been stuck in the beer bottle; it was the bottle's happiest time. But, one day, the fish stopped swimming... And silence settled in the depths of the ocean.... It starved to death...

The beer bottle was crushed, and has been crying raindrops ever since... which the ocean's fish started drinking, becoming stronger and stronger... And that is how the Beer Ocean appeared...

Tree People

Poem inspired by watching @Phreek10cent's stream! lol

Some people once lived in a tree.

They called themselves tree people.

They weren't elves, nor were they bees,

They were but simple people.

They loved trees so freaking much,

They wouldn't leave them ever,

They would apples, plums and bees,

And cleaned their butts with leaves.

But soon they grew.. and grew so many

That trees would sink in dirt,

But they had not noticed at first

And now the trees are IN dirt.

Their leaves died,

So did the trees,

And so did all the forest,

And all was the tree people's fault,

Who have been crying since.

A Drawn World

I aim by bow. It is made of very salty peanuts, so licking it would be awful. Not to mention how dirty it is. The arrow is of sharpened bread, crafted by the best baker blacksmith in town. I shoot.

-35! says a bald man with a very long sparkly purple party hat. Not bad, huh?

-Johnnie, I don't get this game, I say. What's the point of shooting if the number is random?

-I don't know, says Johnnie, scratching his beard. Show... entertainment? Someth' like that! People really like a good performance! Jacky can tell ya more.

-Where is he anyways? Back in that unicorn drawing of his daughter? Pathetic, the man can't let go of the past!

-Don't forget, he does pay you! says Johnnie.

-Yeah-yeah... But the show is tomorrow! The only thing we have prepared is that stupid random number machine!

-Hey, betting gives us a lot of money!

I humph and decide to head for Jacky. This drawing world is very weird... From all I've seen and all the drawing worlds I've spoken with, ours is the weirdest. You can draw something and make it part of it! We are ever-expanding and apparently live in a super server. Go figure..

Jacky turned his garage in his dead daughter's drawing. It's always unsettling to visit him, but I am in dire need of money and we paid a lot to hold the show. We need more.

I reach his house and notice the door open. I know the man is all alone, so I enter without hesitation. But to my surprise, a green cat is walking through the house.

I hide. Green cats are vicious thieves. People who joined the life of crime gain the ability to morph into one. Also, it's light green, which indicates it's dangerous.

I'm breathing heavily. Panicked, I pick up the table and scream. I can hear noises in the garage. The green cat looks at me and hisses. I throw the table at the cat. It morphs into its human form and dodges it. It gets out a sharp bread knife! I decide to run outside the house, the thief chasing me. I go to the nearest house, smash the door open and enter. Its inhabitants scream. I break a window and get out through the back of the house, and smash open another door of another house. Slowly, the entire neighborhood screams. What do I do now? I get in the middle of the street and wait. The thief runs to me, but suddenly pans started being thrown at him. He dies. Then at me. I start running and head to Jacky's.

-What the heck happened?! Says Jacky alarmed.

-A green cat. I started acting, running and alarmed the entire neighborhood. They killed the cat and now I'm wanted.

-What's wrong with you?!

-I... I don't know...

I don't... know... I don't know... I... don't know...

I fall on the ground unconscious. I feel like a million windows smash into my face. I feel sad, lonely, incapable. Everything turns black.

Where am I? Uhh.... I see Johnnie looking at me with a worried face.

-The entire neighborhood was murdered by our bull.. You're lucky to be alive.

-Johnnie, may I just say, this world makes no sense...

-And neither it should, he says.

I am in his house, up on a hill, far from civilisation. Johnnie goes and boils water for me. I decide to sleep...

My House

I present to you my house.

The Rusty Nail

It is holding a bench's back in the kitchen, but always dettaches itself on purpose. I believe it is of a demon's doing, when my house was insecure, and due to power outages, my demon protection wall broke. If I replace it, the rusty nail comes back. Again, and again, and again. And now the bench is immovable. Long have I tried to find a cure, but it will not work.

Dimension Painting

On the kitchen's wall is a painting, depicting a dark dungeon's cell, with moss on its rocky walls and a faint torch on the wall. The cell door is open and nobody is in the painting. This is my gateway to the Demon World. It leads to the ruins of a prison nobody comes to, being afraid of the false rumours spread throughout the Demon World. Nobody from there can come here, as it is a one-way travel. I am linked with my home so I can teleport here at will.

Demon Spoon

For the past 6 years I have been making travels to the Demon World through my Dimension Painting, seeking a demon I can oblige to obey me. I have found the strongest demon I can make obey and stuck it to a spoon. It is my only protection system when power is out.

Treasure Room

I get to the bathroom, at the towel hanger. I pull it, as it reveals orbs infused with magic in its iron bars. I draw a 6x6 grid on the washing machine and put each ball in the grid's lines' intersections. There are 35 orbs and the middle intersection has no ball. I stick my finger in it, which triggers a contraption which reveals an opening through a wall, leading to my precious items.

Disc Pet

Going to the living room I see a disc. And old vinyl, now 30cm thick, with tiny black legs. It is my Disc Pet, or familiar per se. I can see through its eyes and use it for scouting areas.

Rainbow Juice

It is a normal every day juice box, but with different color settings. Simply select one and the juice/water/liquid in the box will change colors. Nifty contraption for faking potions.

Castle of the Drawn World

On the wall from my hall is a calendar. In it is a castle. The calendar contains 13 drawn worlds, for all the 13 months. But I always have it set on Wizard month, because this world actually is able to exchange real resources. They can offer me a sword, I can store items in their castle. Although no living things can go into this drawn world.

Tentacle Scarves

Going in the guests' room, a huge cloth stand sits there, filled to the brim with scarves. The scarves have a hive mind and act as tentacles. They eats very little cotton every day. After my death, they will split in half, one half avenging me and killing the one responsible for it, whilst the other one will guard what's left of my house, ruling over all living things.

Illusion Window

Going to my bedroom, I approach my window wall. It reveals a busy traffic road. You can even hear it. Then it reveals a quiet forest, and the air is fresh. It is my illusion window and it is for daydreaming, confusing infiltrators, regular dreaming, inspiration and all sorts.

Bear Foot

Very few people possess this magical entity. It is a “gift”, as some call it, from birth. It is the bear foot.

According to The Lobster Wizards of the Human World's Guild's research, possessors of bear feet are chosen by the Bear Gods from the Divine World, apparently in order to show off their powers.

What are bear feet? Well, some people have a bear foot, very rarely two. Their foot is covered with fur, and has a mind of its own. It even has a face: the foot's toes are replaced with sharp teeth, and it even has angry black eyes and bear ears.

The person cannot wear shoes over its bear foot. Another consequence is a more aggressive personality. Also, the person needs to eat more, in order to sustain the bear foot's life. The bear foot may also have aggressive instincts, making so that everybody surrounding it is in danger.

The bear foot and the person are soul-bound; once either of them is dead, the other one dies.

Gary, whose right foot is a Grizzly, says: “It's a real struggle. Life's a burdain to me. To anybody that think having a bear foot is 'cool', they are more than mistaken. It's a misery, a mocking from the Bear Gods brought to us petty humans.”

There are no known cures of the bear foot, only myths who have been proven wrong by the LWHW.

Signed,

Chair, member of The Furniture of Research of the Human World's Guild

Remote Spirits and How They are Harmful

I am Wizard Zarathon, member of The Shrimp Wizards of The Human World's Guild. Recently, Vladimir Antofi, member of The Lobster Wizards of The Human World's Guild(LWHW), claims, on behalf of the guild, that remote spirits “ are not to fret, but cherish”, contrary of Wizard Palm's research 6 centuries ago. I am here to present arguments for his research.

The LWHW found out remote spirits produce energy inside the owner's soul once free, thus “livening up” his life. But they belive that is in inoffensive, even beneficial. Although this has two big problems:

Firstly, electricity greatly affects the owner's life. We noticed shifts in personality and intersoular relations loosen up. The surrounding souls tend to reject the electrified one. Victims of remote spirits are what we call “mentally ill”.

We have found out that people who suffered from depression are very sensitive to increased soul power, thus experiencing huge reduction of soul energy, and by that decreasing soul power. The remote spirit consumes what it can from the victim, until it leaves the body. We found that out by using depressive cards on animals and by examining depressive indivuals who are also victims of the terrible remote spirits.

In conclusion, remote spirits are not friends, but enemies.

Train Raiding Cactus

Words: cactus, train, treasure

Once there lived a cactus, in the hottest of deserts. Although he was in the Human World, no human would ever visit him. He was all alone and even for cactuses, the heat is unbearable.

This cactus had a dream: of treasure! He always dreamed of being a pirate, scavaging ships filled with treasure, feeling the breeze of the sea! But not just any pirate: a captain! He would have control over his beloved ship!

But then he would wake up and remember his place in this world. What could he do? But wait! Trying to stretch outside his place on the ground, he comes out and falls face flat on the ground. He felt movement under his body... feet? Could it be real? His other two “heads” start moving... arms! Oh, how wonderful! This creature took shape of a humanoid by simply dreaming! But now, it was time to raid for treasure!

Long did the cactus travel along the desert, and finally it saw something else than the arid sand: a train track. Which signaled but his chance of treasure! Waiting for a train to come, days after days, he finally heard the distinct sound of a whistling train, and felt its movement in the ground. He got up, and prepared to jump. When the train reached him, he jumps and sticks to the train's wall. He got into the train. Nobody's inside, except for the man running the train.

He started looking for things to raid, but found nothing but wood. Which was really boring. But in the train's last compartment, the cactus found something amazing, that he would've never thought he'd find: GOLD!! And lots of it! He took a box he found and filled it with golden coins. Now the cactus had to wait for the train to arrive at a station, and make a run for it with the gold!

But... the train never stopped... Nor did the desert... He goes to see the man running the train, but where he thought he'd be a big dark red was waiting. It was a demon, with large dark grey horns. He runned towards the cactus, which was frozen in place. Never did the cactus feel more scared. Then the demon....

C. The cactus is not in the Human World

The demon looked at him and says: “What is a cactus like you doing outside our garden?”

The cactus was confused. What in the world??? The demon's garden?

“Mistress won't be very happy now, would she?”

The cactus, with a low, shaky voice, asked “What... garden...?”

“Well, don't you know? You, cactus, are in the Demon World. You used to be a pirate captain in the Human World and now my Mistress has taken possession of your soul. You are but a cactus soldier of her army. Now get back into the sand! We need you to grow bigger!”

The cactus jumped out of the train, sad... He found more about himself, but what he found out was horrible... He had a life, in the Human World, and it was taken away... Now he'd fight for the evil forces...

Or would he? Could he do something about this? Could he escape?

Geekspiel suggests awesome things.

To his surprise, he found an entrance to... sewers. He opened it and to his surprise a person came out. He was almost naked, but the clothes he was wearing were extremely dirty.

“*hiccup* now wassya doin' 'ere?”, he said.

“I am trapped in the Demon World, and don't know how to escape!”

The hobo drank from a bottle of what looked life Mad Dog 20/20. The bottle, now empty, magically filled up again.

“Now listen 'ere, punk! There ain't no escape in this foul world! Been 'ere ever since the 1800s and got no clue how to get out!”

The cactus stares at the tramp.

“You're THAT old???”, he said.

“There ain't no agin' in the Demon World! At least I think so...”

“Well, is there really no way out of here?”, he says, as he looks down into the sewers, where a barrel is burning. “And what the heck are you making fire in a desert?”

“Now, punk, there might be a way I know, but honestly, I don't remember..”, he said as he took another sip. “And ey, kid! Don't question my actions! Been 'ere for waay longer than you! This place gets real cold at night...”

“And do you think I haven't been here enough to be night?!”

“Not the actual night, ye dummy!”, he said. “The night's when the demons come and take the cactus idiots an' bring 'em into the army!”

“And when's that happening?!”, said the cactus alarmed.

“I don' know... ye think I count the days until y'all bastards go evil? Nah!”

What could the cactus do? He looked at the man, drinking and drinking. He didn't remember anything, but he could if he weren't drunk... But the drink always regenerated... Does he break it? What would happen next? Will the hobo jump at him? Wait, he's a spiky cactus! What could he be afraid of?

He took the tramp's drink and smashed it. He looked at the cactus, his eyes wide open, as if he was dying. His body breaks in half and from inside comes a white figure.

“Greetings, trapped human soul”, said an angellic masculine voice coming from withing the figure. “I am a gatekeeper, and can bring souls from a world to another at my will. But a foul demon fooled me with the sin of drinking. Now free, I can help you live your life again, to thank you from saving me!”

The gatkeeper raised his hands and the ground under the cactus suddenly vanished. He was being teleported!

The cactus found himself in a seaport. He was in the Human World! He could remember! All the dear memories of him and his crew, raiding ships for a living!

He stood by a ship, looking at the sun setting. His feet were in the water.

The perfect conditions have been met. The cactus breaks in half, revealing a person! He's back! He could now go meet his pirate friends! And so he did, and now he happily sails the ocean, looking for plunder!

Romanian Beavers

This was inspired from watching @StinkRatStreams on Twitter! It was much fun! Hope you enjoy!

8 centuries ago, in the Human World, Canadian beavers have deforested all of America, and wanted more wood. But where could the beavers go? They couldn't afford teleporting into another dimension, since they didn't get paid. Looking at the sunset, their tummies screaming in the inside, a paper slowly flies above their head, landing on the Beaver Leader's face. He looks at it: the Carpathian mountains.

“Say, that sounds cool!”, said the Beaver Leader. “Beavers, we're going to Romania!”.

So the beavers went on a trip throughout the Pacific Ocean, making a boat of the only wood they had left. And they arrive in the United Kingdom. They kept walking, taking a snack on the go in Germany, and finally arrived in Romania.

The air was fresh, and the trees were tall. Ah, it as great to see a forest again!

The beavers ate and ate all day, and at night, when their tummies were full, they decided to find a place to sleep.

“Say, that looks like a good place!”, said one of the beavers.

A castle was sitting majestically on the side of a hill.

The Beaver Leader nodded and everybody went towards the castle.

They open the front gate. “Ok then”, said the Beaver Leader. “Everybody find a place to sleep!”

The beavers wondered around the castle, searching it out of curiosity. One of them found a long sword, and another found a cool hat. But their greatest discovery was a tomb.

“Oooh!”, they, as they opened the tomb, driven by curiosity.

Out of the tomb rose a body. It got out of the tomb as if it had woken up. It scratched its back and looked at its surroundings and sees the beavers.

“What is this?!”, said the living corpse. “Who are you and what are you doing in MY castle?”.

“We are sorry, sir”, said the Beaver Leader. “We were but humbly looking for a place to sleep.”

The corpse looked the Beaver Leader, then looked throughout the room. He noticed the beaver wearing the hat.

“My hat!”, he shouted, and grabbed it. “Oh, my dear beloved hat, how I've missed you!”. Then he noticed the beaver with the long sword. “And my sword!”, he said, taking it from the beaver. He looked at the beavers with a threatening expression.

“Be gone from the al-mighty Vlad the Impaler's castle!”, he shouted, chasing the beavers down.

And so, the Romanian beavers now happily eat wood, but never approaching the castle on the side of the hill. Nor any settlement, for that fact.

The Potato

A potato is on a table. The world is white, nothing surrounds it. It's just the potato and the table. A small purple portal appears on the table. The potato could go in, and see what this new world the portal is opening, but it decides to roll off the table. Nothing. It's on a white floor, in a white world of nothingness. But it decides to keep rolling. The table slowly fades away behind it, as it keeps rolling. A lamp appears in the distance. The potato goes near the lamp, and decides to stay under its heat. It starts hurting and itching real bad, but this is what the potato wants. It's slowly melting on the floor, as the potato looks up and sees the powerful light of the lamp. But it closes its eyes.

Darkness surrounds the potato. It is in a dark world. It is really cold and lonely, but the potato doesn't lose hope and walks forward.

A patch of dirt appears. It seems there is nothing in it. No plant, no water, no anything. But the potato jumps on the dirt. And jumps, and jumps, and jumps, until it forms a hole. The dirt seems to be continuing horizontally. The potato keeps digging into it, until it reaches a blue circle. It sits on it. The potato is happy.

The Pumpkin

Staring at me is a pumpkin. Uncarved, ungathered, growing in my father's garden. I can feel my soul pierced by its eyes.

It was my father's special pumpkin. Back when I was a kid, he summoned in a soul and bound it to the pumpkin. But no just any soul: my brother's. My father gave him blue crystal eyes and he has been sitting in the garden ever since.

But now I sense he's torubled. I can feel the tension in the air between us. Same thing happened before grandma died. I am scared. I stare at him back, as he slowly blinks.

Last night I couldn't sleep. What was going to happen? Is somebody going to die? And worst of all, when, or who? I was rolling in my bed, trying to get some sleep, closing my eyes, but every time I would open my eyes and see him. The pumpkin. He blinks again. I slowly close my eyes and, all of a sudden, I hear a scream! I get out of my room, and I see on the kitchen floor my mother, crawling on the ground, with a knife stuck to her chest. She looks at me and then... gasps... Her face turns violet...

Father comes and looks down at her. He gets on his knees and cries...

-Today, I felt it again, I said... The pumpkin, it was staring at me. I could feel the tension.

He gets up, with a grave face, and nods. He picks up the axe near the door and gets out in the garden. I get out, and follow him through the cold summer night. I see him near the pumpkin, who was looking back at him. He gets his axe up, above his head, and strikes down the pumpkin in half. Something like a white foam gets out of his insides. His soul in now free, let him rest in peace...

Father throws the axe near the pumpkin and gets mother's corpse to the church...

Remote Spirits

"Beware remote spirits”, wrote Wizard Palm 6 centuries ago, in his Odd Bestiary of Odd Creatures from The Human World. But why are they dangerous? Well, I'm Vladimir Antofi, and I am here today to show you remote spirits are not to fret, but cherish!

What are remote spirits, might you ask? Well, as Wizard Palm himself says, “Remote spirits are those which dwell in the remote of a television. The remote, once broken, will unleash its devastating spirit , which will move into one of his owner's soul fragment. Such control can create disturbance in the afterlife.”. As scary as it sounds, it has been proven that remote spirits do not take control of the owner's soul, but that it can electrify the soul.

How did Wizard Palm come to that conclusion, and how did we, wizards from the Lobster Wizards of The Human World's Guild, come up with ours? Due to lack of technology, the only thing Wizard Palm could detect was the remote spirit travel and stops at the owner, penetrating its soul. He detected a slight movement in the soul and has come up with the theory. We, however, have hi-tech equipment at our disposal, and noticed that the soul would move, blindly, being pulled towards the owner's soul. So: the spirit is blind, and attracted by the soul. And we detected an electric wave in the soul. So, the spirit stimulates the soul, but into what? We studied a mouse's behavior before and after the remote spirit penetrating its soul, and we made an immense discovery. The mouse started being a lot more active, looking for things to do, learning easier. The remote spirit livens up the possessed entity, making it want to do things. The remote usually emits commands to the television, so the spirit tends to send commands. Impulses.

I am Vladimir Antofi, wizard of the Lobster Wizards of The Human World's Guild, and I hereby declare remote spirits are nothing to fear!

Detective Rainbow

I knew it. I knew it was him. He always had that dark red shade on him... She was so innocent and nice, but foolish to fall in love with such criminal. Every time he'd show up she'd have that strong blue on her...

I am a detective. Name's Rainbow. Before you laugh, let me explain. I have a gift, as some call it. I like to call it a curse. I can see people as objects with shades of colors, which represents their feelings. I can use this skill against crime. Problem is, I've no idea how people look like. I cannot see the world as it is. All objects are orange to me. Life is miserable.

It's something you get as a kid. It's got nothing to do with genetics, it's purely random.

Some are born seeing the world in colors, too. But they don't see people's feelings: they see their own feelings about things.

Some basic colors are: orange-nothing, blue-love, black/dark red-hate, crime, mischief, darkness, green-nature(plants are usually green), peace.

Things that suck a lot when you have this skill:

-you can't really see the world... at all; you can see shadows and certain objects are brighter than others: life is miserable. It feels as if you're blind. I had to learn braille as a kid, and still have to use it... Sure, you could use shadows to read engraved letters, but it's really rare and impractical...

-the name; I'm just glad my parents didn't choose Unicorn...

-you know when people reject you... which is just sad and depressing... pretty much everybody that sees me turns gray to me. And that's rejection... I prefer hate to rejection!

-it's really embarassing when old people turn blue looking at me... and then talk to me...

Colors

I look at the guy in front of me. He looks back. We stare for over 5 minutes. We are at an inn. Everything is orange. I feel sad. The only way I see people and objects is through shadows. I feel alone. Nobody notices me and I cannot talk. I can see people move, I can hear them laugh, talk. The person in front of me leaves the inn. I look at the innkeeper, a nice lady. She turns blue. I feel hope. She notices me. We talk. Her helpers keep serving orange beer and ale. I don't know what we talk about. She doesn't either. We just... talk.

Then everything changes into black. Except for her. I cannot see or hear anybody else. I feel happy. Comfortable. We leave the tavern and head for the lake. Everything is now green, except for the inn, which is orange, and her and the moon, which are blue. We look together at the moon. It is now midnight.

We start heading back to the inn, which seems to be further and further away, as we walk towards it. Everything except for her and the inn turns light blue. I feel cold, hopeless, but happy. I am with her.

But not for long. She falls to the ground and holds her chest, as if she cannot breathe. She... she is gone. Forever. I cry I the cold. Everything turns dark red, and she turns light blue. She is cold to me. And the world is nothing to me. I can barely see shapes, everything is dark. I cannot feel anything, nor hear any sound, as I walk toward the inn.

Sounds start appearing as I am getting closer to the orange inn in the dark red world. I go to my seat and a person comes in at my table. Eveything is orange and we stare at each other...

Ball World

He is waving at the green bus, as it is leaving behind dense dark gray smoke. He is wearing his top hat, as usual. Tears start dripping on his face and fall off on the ground. He grabs his suitcase and leaves the bus station, as he starts heading home.

It is a bright, sunny day, in contrast with his feelings. He looks down as he walks, and then looks up for a few seconds, then keeps looking back down. It's autumn so the road is full of puddles. He stops at one at looks at himself. A sad and lonely ball of misery. His one daughter now moved to live a better life. Last night ended with an argument, and he overslept. She didn't even bother to wake him up, so last time he saw her they were angry at each other...

His wife died in a terrible car accident, and his parents long time ago. He was a single child, and doesn't talk to anybody, so now he is completely alone...

He reaches his house. He grabs the keys and opens the door. He enters and... nothing. Nobody greeted him and he had no one to greet. Another tear falls down to his chin.

It's Sunday and he has nothing to do, so he decides to take a bath.

He finishes his bath, makes himself some popcorn and heads to the bedroom. It is already night in Ball World. He opens the TV and sinks into his bed. In the movie the main character ends up all alone, in his misery, because his daughter commited suicide. He starts desperately crying. Finally, he decides to close the television and sleep...

Object World

Guarding the stronghold is a tomato. His leaf spear ready, he looks into the sunset with pride. He's powerful, and can protect himself. That's not how it used to be when he was younger. Thrown onto stages in the Human World... And now he is here, laughing at their faces. They can't do anything. They cannot reach this world. This second life of objects. This is the Object World.

Suddenly, a bus comes driving to the entrance of the stronghold at max speed. Inside are small ball people. Most live in the Ball District, but they are paying a visit to the Tomato Stronghold, on the way to college. Those are teens and they are going to a campus. The driver is a yellow bellpepper, originating from the Pepper Clan. The place is arranged in small tribes: yellow, green and red bellpeppers, kapia peppers, habanero peppers and so on and so forth. They usually wear cavemen outfits. Unfortunately, they aren't so birght, for unknown reasons. That is why the peppers sit in a reservation, constructed by School Town with the help of the Tool Building. Every building of School Town is a school, but they serve multiple purposes. The natives are regular school objects and the mayor of the town is the most expensive pen there is. At least the most expensive one that broke. The actual most expensive ones are in a human museum. The Tool Building is a building of infinite height, with, you guessed it, tools. They help with constructing.

But this yellow bellpepper driving the, ironically enough, yellow bus, is an intellectual one, who turned up to be an excellent driver, discovered by the Archeologists' Papers Group. They are a rather small group of piles of archelogists' research, burnt in the Human World by some Aztec temples' curses.

Now, let me clear up one thing. The Object World is infinite, and there are only so many objects to fit in a group. That is why you might find, say, tomatoes, far away from this stronghold, maybe living in the Eiffel Tower, who have no idea about these tomatoes. Objects are everywhere, grouped by type, but not all of the same type can actually fit a group.

This tomato's favorite land, which he hasn't visited, is TV Land. He has yet to see a television in his life in the Human World, and he is craving to see one now that he has heard of it from the guard sitting right besides him, on the other side of the gate. The TV land is designed as a maze, with large TV on the walls, and no lights whatsoever. The only light is from the TVs. Many are very old. And once a TV is gone, and comes in this world, it streams the last show it has shown, over and over again.

The Man

I enter the bus, together with my mom. We are heading to the theatre, to see a play. I barely managed to plug in my earphones; I have gotten them out of my pocket and I have been trying ever since to “untie” them.

I take a seat as mom scans the bus card. I look out the window. I am listening to “Pesky Junk Worm” by PJWizrd. The artist still does make music, quite rarely, but I absolutely admire this first album of his.

The man in front of us... I suddenly realise what he was looking at on his phone. A... plane? A plane flying through a 3D animation... of a plane... flying... The guy is wearing headphones. He goes to the beginning of the video. The plane is now... taking off...

I look at the window again and, to my surprise, I see my mom outside, desperately looking for me. We are... back at the bus station! I get out and mom sees me. She hugs me and we get to our seats. My mom, once again, scans her bus card. I realise the album reset itself. It's playing “Ptownjunk”, the first song of the playlist. In front of me is... the man again. He suddenly looks at me and smiles devilishly. I am scared to death. I look at his phone and he jumps at the end of the video. The plane is now... landing...

My surroundings change. I am now near the Comedy Theatre, the one me and mom were heading for... We... arrived already???

We go to the entrance of the theatre and there is... the man!!! The man I saw in the bus! Dressed in guard outfit.

-I'm sorry, ma'am, but the theatre's cancelled the play... The power shut down due to the storm...

“Wha...?”, I tell myself. “This doesn't make any sense..”

I suddenly take the decision to jump at the man's throat. I want the person standing in front of me dead, and I won't stop until I have choked him for good.

I hear my mom's desperate screams in the background, but I don't stop. I start punching the man's face.

Suddenly, the man's eyes turn red and his body morphs into one of a demon's. I back off as he gets up. He is 3 meters high and is staring at me. I hear voices in my head:

“ T H E R E I S N O E S C A P E “
“ T H E R E I S N O E S C A P E “
“ T H E R E I S N O E S C A P E “
I start screaming loudly and run towards the beast. I kick his belly with my left leg. My leg runs right though him and he shrieks loudly and disintegrates on the ground.

Silence. I see my phone on the ground. I pick it up and notice a video is playing. It is.. the video. It suddenly starts rewinding itself. The plane hasn't taken off yet.

I am at the bus station with my mom. We are waiting for the bus, to go to the Comedy Theatre and see a play.

Rimidalv

I stare at the cat. The cat looks away. I laugh, it cries. I eat, it drinks. I drink, it eats. I walk, it stops walking. I stop walking, it walks. It is my anti-familiar.

What is an anti-familiar, might you ask? It's... the opposite of a familiar. This is why it is a cat. I hate cats. I am allergic to cats.

NOTE: I do NOT, at all, hate cats in real life!

It feels foreign to me, and I feel foreign to it. But it always follows me around – if I stop walking. But why? Because, it is an anti-familiar! We are still connected.

But, you may wonder, why would I choose to have an anti-familiar. Well, that's the thing with anti-familiars... You don't choose them. They choose you. And I had the bad luck of finding one in my cellar. Apparently, my grandpa locked it away in a box. I guess even he couldn't handle it. He told me he got it from a merchant who gave it away for free... and of course my grandpa, as a child, was foolish enough to accept it.

Unlike familiars, anti-familiars instantly forget about their masters, if they were able to pass it away to a new owner. Think of them as like a bag of bad luck tossed throughout the world by idiots who were tricked into getting one. And I am stuck with Rimidalv, my anti-familiar cat...

“Why don't you get rid of it?”, some of you may ask. Well, I tried. A lot. Like 500 times... until my grandpa told me the bad news: you CAN'T. Unless you wait 3 years, until you can trick another idiot to take it... Seriously?! I have to stick with Rimidalv, the cat. For over 3 years. And don't even try to kill it. It dies, you die. You die, unfortunately it doesn't die. Ever.

So I have dug up some research, and there are only at most 536 anti-familiars in the Human World. Originally, there were 600, but there were 64 deaths recorded. And the guys who killed them will not share their secret...

Everytime I go to sleep, Rimidalv sits near me and hisses at me. I've gotten used to it, but recently it started meowing... a lot. It does anything in its power to annoy me. And it's doing a great job. It is killing me. It is the absolute worst thing in the universe.

I hate Rimidalv...

Bizarro

The dog looks at me and smiles. Its sharp teeth cover up its entire mouth. I enter the dog's house and close my eyes. The dog is running around the house, barking happily. I open my eyes. The dog is missing its teeth.

-Not again, Mustard! I say happily, as I pick him andthrow him on his house. His teeth suddenly start growing. I punch them and nothing happens.

-Good, I say as Mustard's tail starts growing rapidly all of a sudden. I sigh deeply and punch it. It breaks in half. One half is moving around in the purple grass like a worm and the other sits on Mustard's behind. Blood is pouring from its end. I grab it with my hands and start rubbing it.

-There you go! Now stay here, I've got some business to do with the Baron.

I leave Mustard behind, and start heading towards Ketchup Inn. This is where Mustard was first born. The innkeeper, Seal, a sweet young lady, gave it to me as my birthday gift. That year my wife died...

I enter the inn. A heavy smell of curry starts flying to my nose. I fling my arms to make the smell go away. It forms a red frowned face in the air and poofs away.

At the very end of the inn sits a rather plump and short individual. His face is of glowing red and he's wearing royal clothes, with a very tiny crown on his head. He is staring at a pickle on the table. The pickle starts rolling around the table, turning from green to purple to white, and then to green again. He smiles and starts applauding as the pickle stops rolling and he picks it up. He is the baron.

-Baron, I say.

He scarily stares at me with his eyes wide open. He finally realises who I am and finally smiles.

-Hello, he says. I have been waiting for you. Care to join us?

-I already said no, I say, looking down. Is there any other way?

-You'll get the flower if you join the guild, says the baron definitively.

-Alright, I'll join. What is it you want me do?

-Meet us by the Orange Forest, at Green Lake's shore. And bring Mustard with you.

I nod and leave. The baron puts his pickle on the table and starts applauding.