The Adventures of a Chair, Chapter III

The Adventures of a Chair

Chapter III

Lucy

The human in the bed yawns and wakes up, opening its eyes. It gets up. It's wearing pijamas. It gets to the bathroom to get ready for work.

Given by the make-up on the table near the chair the human must be a female. The chair notices a small square nightstand near the bed. The chair slowly goes to it, and focuses its mind on it. An 8x8 grid appears, revealing a grotesque view to the chair: its entire army, massacred. The king, lying dead on the ground. The Egg's Kingdom even stole the king's crown. The battle was lost. The chair is crushed. It meant his life was ruined. Something else was going to happen. He needed forget the past life from whence he came. This is it now.

The human gets out of the bathroom, all suit up. It looks to pick up its bag from the... chair. But it is not there. It looks and sees the chair sitting by the nightstand, looking at a dead army of little 2 inch tall soldiers and a crownless king. She lets out a scream, and the chair moves out of its place in shock. Then, something least expected happens, something the chair would never think it ever could be able to: the chair talks. The chair lets out a scream.

-Y-you... says the human, c-can.. talk?

-I guess so...

-And those are...? it says looking at the dead army.

-My army. It died. Now my life changed. I am unable to reach the place I left from. I belong here now.

-O.. oh... m-my n-name is.. Lucy...

-I guess my name is... Chair?

-Y-yeah... Look, I gotta go to work, we can.. discuss this later..?

Lucy leaves. The chair, amazed by its recently discovered speaking abilities, decides to speak to itself. It murmurs sentences such as 'I am a fox running over a lazy dog looking at the sun covered with a tissue'. The chair finally becomes bored and decides to head for Lucy.

It gets out on the street. But nobody seems to notice the presence of this chair wandering about. It slowly crawls on the streets and reaches the main road. It is a Sunday early morning and the presence of 7 cars driving very close to each other, as a group, on the empty roads seems weird. The chair looks at them and asks:

-Who are you? What are you doing?

Out of each window comes out a man, near which stands another man driving. They all say in a choir:

-Visiting our sweethearts! We all have an affair!

The chair looks at them and thinks. Finally, it speaks:

-Don't your wives notice you're leaving?

-They sure do, but they don't mind! They know!

-Why are you all going in the same direction?

-We are going to the Affairs building!

The chair looks and tries to understand the oddity of this world it has reached. At last, it looks at them and says:

-Good day, gentlemen.

-Good day to you too! They reply as they get out their hats and throw them on the street, get in the chair, close the car windows and leave.

The chair goes at the hats and picks them up. By which it means they sit stacked one over the other on the chair's seat. It continues to walk on the street. A man comes by: bald, with a thick mustard yellow moustache, white blouse and yellow vest, with the same color as the moustache. He gets a hat from the chair, then gets out a coin and puts it on the chair's seat. Then a lady comes by: high-heeled shoes, with curly ketchup red hair, black clothes and a red dog, with the same color as the hair and shoes. She gets another hat from the chair, then gets out a coin and puts it on the chair's seat. Same do a bearded guacamole green man, a mayo white lady with a cat, a moustached curry yellow man and a barbeque brown lady with a parrot. Now the chair has one hat with 6 coins inside on its seat.

The chair walks inside a school besides the road. It enters a classroom and sits there, looking for Lucy. The school bell rings and the children get up. 6 of them get a coin from the hat on the chair and put an apple inside. The teacher dresses up and gets the hat from the chair, eats an apple and leaves. There are five apples on the chair, sitting in a pyramid form.

The chair goes towards the teacher's desk and finds a bowl of 3 golden fish. The chair focuses its mind on them and they are cut into squares. The fish squares now sit horizontally in the bowl, floating and forming a little board, with coordinates of X from 0 to 15 and Y from 0 to 7. On each square of the rectangle between X=0 and Y=0 to X=15 and Y=3 appears a soldier, facing positive Y, ready for battle: a new army. “Onwards”, says the chair, as the soldiers start jumping from a square to another, trying not to fall. They are heading for an enemy camp. The chair is looking for a purpose.

It then puts the 5 apples on the teacher's desk with his mind, one by one. Then gets chalk from the greenboard and draws a stickman. At each hand and foot sits an apple, also does one where the head is. The chair looks and focuses its mind. It thinks and travels through the most complicated of mind tunnels, searching within the depths of the Human World, focusing his mind on...

Lucy. Where is Lucy? Where could she be? Where can he find her. Entering an office building far away, with his mind, getting to the 4^th floor and turning right twice, he finds her.

On the teacher's desk is miraculously formed Lucy's body, replacing the chalk and apples from the teacher's desk, growing and growing more in size...

The Adventures of a Chair, Chapter II

The Adventures of a Chair

Chapter II

Diving in Soda

The chair sits. In darkness. Nothing surrounds the chair, but the pure pitch black void... But teacups start dancing around the chair, holding hands. All the teacups have inside is sugar. The dance, then grab sugar from inside them and throw it on the ground. The keep doing that until the black floor is covered in sugar and the teacups have nothing left. They smile as they slowly melt on the floor into more sugar. The sugar crawls on the ground, as it makes sandy noises, heading into one spot, creating a long cylindrical tube of sugar. It then starts to take shape into one larger teacup. It reaches the height of the fridge. It slowly walks around the chair, with its hands on the chair's back all the time, chanting something otherworldly... so mysterious, enigmatic, with a deep masculine voice... It then slowly moves the chair through the void. It keeps chanting. In front of the chair, from the void, a white crack slowly forms, and slowly opens... The light is blinding and the chair has to close its eyes for some time. Finally, it opens them and sees vast amounts of vegetation similar to one of a jungle's. The sky is of a strong light blue. Where the crack seems to have been is a mountain. Together with the crack disappeared the teacup... Where was the chair? What was happening?

The chair decides to walk around, see if it can find anything. But, out of nowhere, something in the shape of a bulb, attached to a long vine climbs down on the chair (the chair's eyes are on its seat back). It can see the bulb being torn down, and from the inside a green monkey-like creature being reavealed. It screams. The chair would scream, but it can't, but the monkey can feel the chair screaming. Then the monkey calms down. It can feel the chair relaxing too. The monkey stares where the chair's eyes should be and the chair stairs back. The chair focuses its mind on the monkey and pushes it off the chair. The monkey falls to the ground with an 'oof' then gets back up on the chair. It starts sniffing the chair everywhere. Its breath stinks so bad the chair would throw up. But the chair can't throw up, nor can it eat. So the monkey keeps sniffing. Then it starts making sounds. What is it doing? Is it alerting its comrades? Is it threatening the chair? Is it befriending the chair? How on earth can the chair know? But whatever is happening, it seems best for the chair to run. If it's in danger, running seems ideal, if it's not, running won't do anything bad.

So the chair runs. Then trips over a vine. And sits. It can't get up and can feel the monkey sitting near itself. It picks it up by its seat back and starts dragging it through the jungle-like biome. What could the chair do about that? It's a chair. It has the strength of a chair. That almost equivalents to 0. The monkey has arms, muscles.. The chair can't protect itself. Usually, the chair only sits around other living chairs and then normal objects. Nothing else alive but those of its... blood? The chair has no blood. It has wood. But not all chairs are of the same wood. The same... species? Species seems appropriate.

The chair keeps being dragged, being moved up and down at every vine on the ground. It is starting to hurt so it decides to close its eyes and hope to fall asleep.

The chair wakes up. It looks around itself. It is in a tribe from the jungle, from the looks of it. But, it just seems empty.. No sound can be heard, but the slow breeze of wind, no movement can be seen, from anywhere. But the chair was tied to the ground with rope. But, suddenly, from the trees, bulbs come down and crack open. Monkeys come out and circle the chair. They each grab a stick and... every one stabs the one to their right. Everybody killed each other. They fall to the ground, and the chair can smell rotting. But, in what seems like 5 minutes, their meat slowly compresses. Each monkey's corpse compresses into a different spot. And slowly the corpse turns white. And all of the corpses turn into 15cm diameter marble balls. Then they all crumble into a very fine sandy texture: sugar. Then they each form into a different pillar, then slowly melt on the ground, then form back again into... teacups. 5 teacups stand in front of it, then another 4 jump on the 5, then 3 jump on the 4, then 2 on the 3, then 1 on the 2, forming a 15 teacup pyramid. Then they all jump, simultaneously, hitting the ground hard. They change into one large teacup in front of the chair's eyes: the one large teacup from beforehand. It goes up to the chair and rolls and flips upside down. The chair is in the teacup. Darkness surrounds it. It can feel its bondage disappearing. It is in the void again. What was happening? Whatever was happening, it had to do with the teacup. And it knew it had to stop it.

The same thing as last time happens: teacups surround it, they get crushed, take shape of a bigger teacup and drag the chair to a crack in the void. It opens it eyes...

The chair is now in what looks like a normal small apartment precisely a bedroom. But, to its surprise, inside the bed is a living peace of flesh covered with pink skin in the shape of a humanoid, covered by a white thick blanket, with long black hair: a... human? But how could this be possible? The chair lived in the Object World.. it could not be! How is it... back?!

The Adventures of a Chair, Chapter I

The Adventures of a Chair

Chapter I

The War between the Kingdom of the Chair and the Kingdom of the Egg

The chair sits. How does a chair sit? A chair sits on a chair. Specifically, its chair. More specifically, itself. The chair sits, when it does not move.

The chair looks at the clock made of stone. It indicates where its soldier is. It is called a clock, because its hands indicate the soldier's coordinates in the 180x180 sqaures two-dimensional map. The chair can see its movement, slowly, towards north, heading for the fort.

Each square of the map indicates 10 meters. The chair can see its soldier move from X=38 and Y=56 to X=39 Y=66, to the entrance of the fort. The big hand slowly moves its way through 56 to 66, moving around the first third of the clock. Halfway there, at round-about Y=63, the small hand moves to 39. Finally, the big hand reaches 66. The soldier has arrived at the fort, like the chair ordered him. He is now safe from the invaders. The soldier is in the chair's kingdom. The enemy kingdom is ruled by an egg from a far, far place from the world.

The chair now looks at the wooden clock. That one indicates time in this section of the world: It is 'hog'. Time here ranges from wog to tog: wog, nog, fog, log, mog, sog, rog, solomin, kog, hog, jog, saog, paog, laog, tog. These are the 15 hours of the world. 'Hog' in theory translates to 'between 4:00 and 5:35 PM'. But, in this part of the Object World, a day is divided in two days and two nights, all equally divided: firstly comes the day, with wog, nog, fog and 3 thirds of log, then comes the blue night, with a blue moon, 1 quarter log, mog, sog, rog, and half of solomin, then comes the other day, with the other half of solomin, kog, hog, jog, and a quarter of saog, then comes the red night, with the red moon, with the remaining three quarter of saog, paog, laog, and, finally, tog. So, in reality, for our world, it is between 8:00 and 11:10 PM. The wooden clock has only one hand, which moves to the other hour each time the one before ends.

The chair needs to go to work when jog starts. But, for now, it needs to send orders in its kingdom. It slowly moves towards the staircase, then takes a turn to the left. This room is dimly lit by a low-power light bulb hanging from the middle of the ceiling. The room has one large window , covered by thick curtains, and one large square table in the center. The table is separated vertically and horizontally by 179 lines, creating a 180x180 grid. On it can be seen very tiny grass, two forts, forests and some wild animals. The chiar moves towards one of the forts and sees soldiers all ready for battle. The chair concentrates its mind on the grid and sends out a group of hunters in search for some boars to kill in the nearby forest. But, as they walk around the forest, they see people moving. Knowing there shouldn't be any of their fort's soldiers outside, they realise they are enemy soldiers. They get out their guns ad shout. The enemy soldiers put their hands up and the hunters get them to the fort. Then the chair witnesses a horrifying dreadful event. The King goes to the soldiers and cuts them in half. Then he roasts them in front of everybody, to show what happens to their enemies. Then everybody feasts, eating human flesh. The chair looks in complete shock at its army, then decides to send it full power towards the enemies. An attack is planned. He decides to track the king on the stone clock.

The chair returns to its place and watches the stone clock move its big hand from Y=68 to Y=66, then its small hand from X=39 to X=33, then the big hand from Y=66 to Y=70. Now, the king and his army have left the castle and are heading towards their enemies.

The wooden clock's arm moves, reaching for jog. The chair needs to go to work. It moves, slowly moving its legs on the floor, until it reaches the staircase. It turns around and falls on its back, dragging itself on the staircase. When it arrives upstairs, it turns back around and continues towards its bedroom. On the bedroom's floor sits its uniform. It falls on its back on it and then gets back up. The chair is now dressed. To climb down, the chair presses against the wall and slowly falls.

The chair gets out on the street, then falls on its back on the door, thus locking it. Only it can unlock it back. It could have used public transport, but It gets on roller skates and goes towards his work place.

The chair navigates the streets until it reaches a large, 17-floor office building. It enters the building, then the elevator. Inside sit many more chairs. The elevator is pretty big, specifically a 2.10mx3.36m rectangle. Chairs cannot talk, so the elevator slowly climbs each floor, stopping for 10 seconds, then takes 5 seconds to reach the second floor; when it reaches the top floor, it goes back down. There are two elevators in the building. When one is climbing down, the other one is climbing up. They meet each other every 4 minutes at floor 8.

In 50 seconds the elevator reaches the fourth floor: the chair's stop. It leaves the elevator and heads for its desk. It reaches and desk and sits. It starts connecting its mind to the computer and starts work. As it works, it looks to its right, where a little square wooden table sits. The chair connects its mind to the table and an 8x8 grid pops up. On it are a person with a crown and a bunch of soldiers: the army. The chair moves through the 180x180 map with the 8x8 view to see how far the army has gone. The battle is afoot.

The chair needs to go to the toilet. It slowly crawls towards the bathroom door, and leans back onto the lock to open it. The door is found surprisingly hard to open and then...

Soda starts pouring out like crazy, onto the chair and keeps flowing through the fourth floor of the 17-floor building. The soda is covering the chair entirely and its vision starts to slowly blur, as things turn brown. The soda keeps pouring and the chair cannot breath, nor move. Everything darkens in front of the chair's eyes and darkness starts surrounding it...