Mar 13, 2018

Tocks and Bocks


When the chicken bock then tock the clocks, but never has a tock met a bock.
That is until curious little Adam tried to see what tocks think of bocks and bocks of tocks. He put a chicken near a clock. The clock would tock but the chicken wouldn't bock, and when little Adam made the chicken bock the clock wouldn't tock. So Adam threw the chicken on the clock. So the chicken bocked, and the clock tocked... and out of nowhere appeared a chiclock. Adam looked at the chiclock in surprise, expecting the unexpected: what would the chiclock do? Tock or bock?
The chiclock looked at the chicken, then at the clock, and finally at Adam. It bocked, then it tocked.
That happens when a tock meets a bock.

Mar 11, 2018

Interaction Action?

Hello everybody! I have seen some people actually read my blog! Which is nice!!
But I don't really talk to you... ever. I write my weird stories here, and you read them (which is awesome, it's hard for me to believe I have people who come here for more). So I wanted to interact with you guys!
You can either comment down below (scroll down and you'll see it) or tweet something at me on Twitter (@Vladimir520Ant)! I will be replying to all of you (because really, no notification goes unread here).

Walking on Orange Alley at night


I wrote this text for English contest preparations. I wonder how my teacher will react... Anyways, it had to be 120-130 words long, without the given ending “It was only then that I realised they had mistaken me for someone else.”.

The one shortcut I knew to his house was Orange Alley. I had no choice, as it was late.
Everything was so... grim, severe in this particular alley, in contrast with the town's crazy night life. Some oranges were playing cards while others were warming their hands at fire barrels, an odd thing, considering how easily orange burn themselves. Everybody was giving me weird looks: what was an egg doing in such a place at night?
Through a narrow gap between two flats came four orages, carrying a cracked unconscious egg. Yolk with blood was dripping from the little crack, which looked like a hole from a gunshot.
One orange gave me a creepy smile I have yet to forget, greeted me and made me hide the egg with them and leave after calling me... Bert?
It was only then that I realised they had mistaken me for someone else.

The Adventures of a Chair, Chapter III

The Adventures of a Chair
Chapter III
Lucy

The human in the bed yawns and wakes up, opening its eyes. It gets up. It's wearing pijamas. It gets to the bathroom to get ready for work.
Given by the make-up on the table near the chair the human must be a female. The chair notices a small square nightstand near the bed. The chair slowly goes to it, and focuses its mind on it. An 8x8 grid appears, revealing a grotesque view to the chair: its entire army, massacred. The king, lying dead on the ground. The Egg's Kingdom even stole the king's crown. The battle was lost. The chair is crushed. It meant his life was ruined. Something else was going to happen. He needed forget the past life from whence he came. This is it now.
The human gets out of the bathroom, all suit up. It looks to pick up its bag from the... chair. But it is not there. It looks and sees the chair sitting by the nightstand, looking at a dead army of little 2 inch tall soldiers and a crownless king. She lets out a scream, and the chair moves out of its place in shock. Then, something least expected happens, something the chair would never think it ever could be able to: the chair talks. The chair lets out a scream.
-Y-you... says the human, c-can.. talk?
-I guess so...
-And those are...? it says looking at the dead army.
-My army. It died. Now my life changed. I am unable to reach the place I left from. I belong here now.
-O.. oh... m-my n-name is.. Lucy...
-I guess my name is... Chair?
-Y-yeah... Look, I gotta go to work, we can.. discuss this later..?
Lucy leaves. The chair, amazed by its recently discovered speaking abilities, decides to speak to itself. It murmurs sentences such as 'I am a fox running over a lazy dog looking at the sun covered with a tissue'. The chair finally becomes bored and decides to head for Lucy.
It gets out on the street. But nobody seems to notice the presence of this chair wandering about. It slowly crawls on the streets and reaches the main road. It is a Sunday early morning and the presence of 7 cars driving very close to each other, as a group, on the empty roads seems weird. The chair looks at them and asks:
-Who are you? What are you doing?
Out of each window comes out a man, near which stands another man driving. They all say in a choir:
-Visiting our sweethearts! We all have an affair!
The chair looks at them and thinks. Finally, it speaks:
-Don't your wives notice you're leaving?
-They sure do, but they don't mind! They know!
-Why are you all going in the same direction?
-We are going to the Affairs building!
The chair looks and tries to understand the oddity of this world it has reached. At last, it looks at them and says:
-Good day, gentlemen.
-Good day to you too! They reply as they get out their hats and throw them on the street, get in the chair, close the car windows and leave.
The chair goes at the hats and picks them up. By which it means they sit stacked one over the other on the chair's seat. It continues to walk on the street. A man comes by: bald, with a thick mustard yellow moustache, white blouse and yellow vest, with the same color as the moustache. He gets a hat from the chair, then gets out a coin and puts it on the chair's seat. Then a lady comes by: high-heeled shoes, with curly ketchup red hair, black clothes and a red dog, with the same color as the hair and shoes. She gets another hat from the chair, then gets out a coin and puts it on the chair's seat. Same do a bearded guacamole green man, a mayo white lady with a cat, a moustached curry yellow man and a barbeque brown lady with a parrot. Now the chair has one hat with 6 coins inside on its seat.
The chair walks inside a school besides the road. It enters a classroom and sits there, looking for Lucy. The school bell rings and the children get up. 6 of them get a coin from the hat on the chair and put an apple inside. The teacher dresses up and gets the hat from the chair, eats an apple and leaves. There are five apples on the chair, sitting in a pyramid form.
The chair goes towards the teacher's desk and finds a bowl of 3 golden fish. The chair focuses its mind on them and they are cut into squares. The fish squares now sit horizontally in the bowl, floating and forming a little board, with coordinates of X from 0 to 15 and Y from 0 to 7. On each square of the rectangle between X=0 and Y=0 to X=15 and Y=3 appears a soldier, facing positive Y, ready for battle: a new army. “Onwards”, says the chair, as the soldiers start jumping from a square to another, trying not to fall. They are heading for an enemy camp. The chair is looking for a purpose.
It then puts the 5 apples on the teacher's desk with his mind, one by one. Then gets chalk from the greenboard and draws a stickman. At each hand and foot sits an apple, also does one where the head is. The chair looks and focuses its mind. It thinks and travels through the most complicated of mind tunnels, searching within the depths of the Human World, focusing his mind on...
Lucy. Where is Lucy? Where could she be? Where can he find her. Entering an office building far away, with his mind, getting to the 4th floor and turning right twice, he finds her.
On the teacher's desk is miraculously formed Lucy's body, replacing the chalk and apples from the teacher's desk, growing and growing more in size...

Mar 8, 2018

The Thread Raiders Evolution


Before I begin this conversation, chapter 3 of The Chair is coming soon! Read the first two chapters here: Chapter 1 and Chapter 2.

For those of you don't know, I am a Thread Raider (read this). And I have an interesting topic of discussion regarding this.
We seem to have gone from Twitter to Discord. @Cptsugarbear on Twitter, former Thread Raider, changed his old Discord group into the Thread Raiders Discord Group (awesome dude, check him out!). Now, we are a small community. A very small community. And all of our conversations are either D&D-related projects and casual conversations. With the creation of this group, all this, quite few conversations have been moved along into different text channels. Twitter is barely in use for the Thread Raiders. Of COURSE we still do interact with the amazing #dnd community and some of us aren't even in the group! But most Thread Raiders focused conversations are now in the Discord group.
Now, what does this mean? Are the Thread Raiders losing what they first were? NO. Absolutely not. You could look at these in more ways:
The Thread Raiders are now less accessible. We are, at core, nerds who just like to chat and hang out. A community built on love and love only. We stand for positivity in this world of Internet which is so, SO filled with toxicity. We aren't the only ones, a lot of people are positive in this world in which it's so simple to type some words to some comment, but some don't think about the consequences. While most of us are D&D fans/gamers, we accept anybody. But moving into a private group kinda makes us less accessible.
On the other hand, we are evolving. We are moving into another place, where it is easier to discuss things. In the past, using only Twitter meant casual conversations with funny replies and gifs. Now, we can make projects and stand for what we stand for. By moving in Discord we become more and more self-aware. We aren't detaching from the #dnd community of Twitter, which is freaking amazing! We are creating our own corner, which makes us a different community. We are still a sub-community of the #dnd world, but still, we are evolving. Also, this speed of messaging we are now in makes things go a lot faster, and also, all conversations are actually easier to find! You can see there's new messages in the Discord group, but it's harder to find threads in the network of Twitter people just forgot to mention you in. If we had to mention each other, that would basically mean there is a limit to our growth. We would have to type in every single member of the Thread Raiders just to talk about, say, our Minecraft server (I am not going to talk about that, don't ask). Now we are gathered in this place, and aiming for the greater.


Mar 5, 2018

Snail. I. Bathtub. Foot Crush (brace)

Snail
in bathtub
crawling
slowly
towards the sinkhole

I
watch
disturbed
turn shower on

Bathtub
slippery
wet
slimy
from snail

Snail
slippery
slips
reaches sinkhole
sits there
drowning
sad

I
desperate
foot
crush

Snail
crushed
destroyed
hopeless
dying
broken shell
mass of slime

Bathtub
slimy
slippery

Weird words to disturb you:
crunchy
crispy
banana meaty insides+snail mucus
mucus
taste

Mar 1, 2018

Analysis of a Freestyle sentence

I decided to make an in depth analysis of one of the Freestle Writing sentences from the previous post, together with a translation.
Gehn'ich Weld in col-Stuck-lecten Fire for. Have-now-be, Mark, ecout-und Vat-dein-er.
Ok, so, here's the translation:
“I am going in the forest to collect sticks for fire. Now, Mark, behave and listen to your father.”
“gehen” is a verb in German, meaning “to go”. A shorter version is created, “gehn”, and is kept that way, without a conjugation, also adding in “ich”, meaning “I”, also in German. They mix in together nicely, resulting in “Gehn'ich”. To create a musicality in the sentece and change up the topic a little the order of the words is changed, “Weld”, meaning “forest” in German and “in”. “Weld” is written with a capital letter due to the fact that, in German, nouns always begin with a capital letter. Any article is removed as it is no longer needed in our newly formed topic. It needs to be short and simplist. “col-Stuck-lecten” can be separated into “collecten” and “Stuck”. “collecten” is the verb “to collect” in English turned into a German verb using “-en”, present in (almost all) German verbs: schwimmen, trinken, treffen etc. “Stuck” means "stick" in German and is written with a capital letter because of the German rule presented beforehand. The reason for this travel in the forest is explained in the last noun-preposition group, previously met before in “Weld in”: “Fire for”. Everything is pretty self explanatory. Also “Fire” is written with a capital letter like all other nouns in this sentence.
The word “behave” is separated, inspired by the prefixes commonly used in German to form other verbs, for example “kommen”, “to come” turns into “bekommen”, “to get”. Also, linked with this verb used in the Imperative is the time mentioned “now”, resulting in “Have-now-be”. Also “have” is pronounced “hayve”. The link verb-conjuction is used here, similar to the noun-preposition one. The verb is a French one, “ecouter”, meaning “to listen”, used at the Imperative with the German rule, with which the Imperative form of a verb is formed removing the infinitive suffix. The French suffix here is “-er”, which is removed, “ecout-” now being mixed with the conjuction “und” from German, meaning “and”. The verb “to listen” instantly requires the “to” preposition (“to listen to”), and, following the short-and-simplist aspect of the phrase, it is no longer used. “Vat-dein-er” is similar to “col-Stuck-lecten” and “have-now-be”, as the first and last pieces form together the main word the middle components link to. “Vater” means father in German and “dein” means “your”, also in German.

Well, I hope you enjoyed, as this gave me a massive headache and it will probably give you one too!